


兜圈 · Going in Circles

by fefedove



Series: Yizhan Translations [7]
Category: Chinese Actor RPF, 余生请多指教 | The Oath of Love (TV), 冰雨火 | Being a Hero (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 02:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30014901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fefedove/pseuds/fefedove
Summary: We’re clearly walking forward, but somehow, we just keep going in circles.Or: chenwei are so in love that they have to break up
Relationships: Chen Yu (Being A Hero)/Cai Ding, Chen Yu (Being A Hero)/Gu Wei (The Oath of Love), Gu Wei (The Oath of Love)/Ji Xiangkong
Series: Yizhan Translations [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619332
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37





	兜圈 · Going in Circles

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [兜圈](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/775830) by 一只狂妄自大的狗狗. 



Going in Circles

Chen Yu can’t figure it out for a long time after the breakup. How did they break up? How could they break up?

He tries a lot of counseling tactics that kind of work, kind of don’t, and understands some of the reasoning, but when he wakes up alone in his dorm, it’s still difficult to accept the reality that he’s already separated from Gu Wei. Some things are like that. You have to spend a long time to get everything straight and spend even longer to digest it all. To take someone you’d planned on spending your life with and leave him in the yesterday is so difficult for 20-year-old Chen Yu.

He’s six years younger than Gu Wei and they dated for almost three years. Gu Wei really liked him, really cared for him.

When he wasn't working, Gu Wei would go to the police department with his lunchbox to give to Chen Yu. Before a surgery, he would also habitually text him: _Xiao-Yu, I’m heading to a surgery. Remember to eat. Stay safe._

At the end of every conversation, Gu Wei always told Chen Yu stay safe, because Chen Yu didn’t always have the time or chance to report to him before a mission. Sometimes, he would randomly disappear—perhaps for a few hours, perhaps for a few months—and then come home with an award and some injuries. If he’s lucky, it would be a Band-aid on his hand. If he was unlucky, it would be a pile of bandages, a cast, or if he was even unluckier, it would be Gu Wei sprinting down from the eighth floor to stand by the main entrance and wait for the ambulance to bring Chen Yu over.

He’s a gastroenterologist and couldn’t take care of these problems.

Gu Wei would be pushed aside by the swarm of officers, doctors and nurses, standing alone at the edge of the crowd. Even though he was tall, he still couldn’t see Chen Yu, surrounded by people—couldn’t ask him, _Xiao-Yu, does it hurt?_

Why didn’t he ask if Chen Yu was scared? Probably because Chen Yu never felt scared.

After they break up, Chen Yu falls into the inevitable lost phase and took a holiday—long for a criminal policeman. After the break ends, he still hasn’t recovered much. He can only put more of his energy into his work, quickly becoming the youngest sub-leader of Huaqing City’s police department.

A long time later, Chen Yu gets shot in the stomach by a criminal during a mission. He spits out blood immediately, but bearing the pain, he wrestles with the criminal and successfully restrains the man.

He’s sent to the hospital again. This time, he’s taken directly to Gu Wei. When Gu Wei hears the news, he runs down the eight flights in his white coat without stopping, just like always, and stands at the entrance to wait for Chen Yu in the ambulance.

Chen Yu has already been by himself for a long time. He didn’t cry during the breakup, didn’t cry when he got a raise, didn’t cry when he got hurt, but when he’s lifted down from the ambulance and pushed before Gu Wei, the tears come out. The dried blood on his lips blooms from his tears, making him look so miserable. He doesn’t want Gu Wei to see him like this and lifts a hand to cover his face. Gu Wei stops his arm without speaking and puts it back under the covers. Is there any state that he hasn't seen Chen Yu in before? He's seen Chen Yu every kind of way.

All the gastroenterologists of Huaqing Hospital come to give Chen Yu a checkup. The injury isn’t serious and he can be discharged in two days. All the doctors, nurses and officers prepare to leave again so patient Chen Yu can rest well. Gu Wei stands at the end of the line, following them out.

Chen Yu tugs on Gu Wei’s white coat with a hand connected to the IV drip. He uses so much force that the needle pops out of his hand.

Gu Wei quietly fixes the needle for him; Chen Yu grasps his hand. Gu Wei feels his hand go numb—Chen Yu’s grip is hurting him, but he still doesn’t break free. He hears Chen Yu say to him, “I’ve grown up. I really have.”

Gu Wei’s eyes redden. He gentle pats Chen Yu’s hand. “How can Xiao-Yu grow up? Xiao-Yu will always be Xiao-Yu.”

Why did Gu Wei break up with Chen Yu? Because he thinks that Chen Yu belongs to vaster skies—he has an even bigger world. When Gu Wei was in university, there was a song that he really loved and still loves. Eason Chan asks him, _who can take a mountain for yourself just because you love it?_ Who can? No one.

Chen Yu was the youngest when he entered the police academy and was the student representative when he graduated. For the three years in the academy, he was the top student in everyone’s eyes and the first to be chosen by the police force.

Gu Wei had watched the video of Chen Yu’s graduation. He stood at the front of the line, a whole head taller than the others in the front row, and recited his vow with his right fist held up. Gu Wei had seen Chen Yu’s silly ID pic with his brows furrowed to make him look mean. He also knew that whenever Chen Yu received an award, he would put them away as if they were precious treasures and look at them for a long, long time with bright eyes. Once, he broke an arm, but he still went on the tip of his toes with his cast and bandages, placing the plaque on the highest shelf.

Gu Wei had stood behind him, supporting him, fearing that he’d fall down at any moment's notice. Chen Yu focused on the plaque; he focused on Chen Yu’s bandages and spaced out for a long time.

Gu Wei never told Chen Yu that he actually really wanted to tear up all those awards and lock Chen Yu at home, not letting him go anywhere, but he couldn’t do that. He could only take care of his little patient, so he could recover quickly, and then send him out the house again, send him to take another award.

Sometimes, Gu Wei wished that Chen Yu could recover a bit slower, stay in the hospital a bit longer, but he didn’t want to see Chen Yu in the hospital either. Didn’t want his name to have anything to do with the word “patient.”

Chen Yu doesn't know how they suddenly broke up. He doesn't even have time to ask Gu Wei before he was sent to isolated training. While tumbling in the mud, he thinks of Gu Wei, thinking that maybe because he’d been too tired. Truly too tired.

Gu Wei was the youngest deputy director in their department. His clinic and surgery schedules were packed and he wasn’t any more relaxed than Chen Yu. It was normal for him to not go home for an entire week, but when he did go home, Chen Yu wasn’t there either and couldn’t give the exhausted Gu Wei a hug.

Every time, Gu Wei would force his fatigued body to cook a meal and even prepare a platter of fresh fruits before collapsing in bed and making up for the loss of sleep. He usually had no appetite and wouldn’t touch the food at all. If Chen Yu didn’t come home that night, he would eat them later, then make another serving to bring to Chen Yu.

They aren’t allowed to bring communication devices to isolated training, so Chen Yu takes out a picture of Gu Wei from his pocket and looks at it, again and again. When Gu Wei upgraded from an intern, he had to have an ID picture on his nameplate. When he printed out the pictures, Chen Yu had stolen one and put it in his wallet as if it was a treasure. He left his wallet at home on missions, but he would always take the picture out and keep it with him.

In the picture, Gu Wei looks scholarly with his white coat and gold-rimmed glasses. Very handsome, very attractive. It’s why Chen Yu fell for him at first sight back then.

His roommates are asleep. Chen Yu quietly climbs out of bed and sits on the steps before the door. Using the street light as illumination, he caresses the picture with his thumb. It’s already so old that the corners have curled in. He’s looked at this picture too many times and the surface is a bit damaged too. Chen Yu wipes it softly with the corner of his shirt, but he just can’t get rid of the scratches left accidentally. His hand shrinks back as if electrocuted, not daring to touch it again. Even the most treasured picture can wrinkle, can age; even the person he loves the most can be lost.

Staring at the picture, he murmurs, “I’m sorry. You must be too tired. It’s my fault, I’m really not good enough. I didn’t spend enough time with you and kept worrying you, making you take care of me. You’re so busy and tired too.

“I actually have a lot of things I want to say to you. I really, really love you.”

Chen Yu is six years younger than Gu Wei. He’s always scared that Gu Wei would treat him like a kid, so he never called Gu Wei “gege.” His favorite is to say Gu Wei’s name directly.

Actually, Chen Yu also wants to say, _“Gu Wei, I hope you can meet someone better than me. He just has to be better than me. He doesn’t have to love you more than I do—he’ll never love you more than I do.”_

But Chen Yu can’t say that. He’s already feeling choked up, but he raises his head and forces the tears back. He has to let Gu Wei go to a better place and find someone who deserves his love more.

Gu Wei always feels that Chen Yu is still young, only 20 years old, with a long path before him. It’s okay to have some regrets. He still has his passions, his aspirations and these things will heal him, supply him with oxygen. One day, they’ll be able to smooth over his scars. His Xiao-Yu doesn’t belong to him, doesn’t belong to anyone—he belongs to the vast sky, to a distant world.

Two years later, Gu Wei meets Ji Xiangkong. The poor gamer has a messed up schedule and never eats properly, either forgetting to eat or just eating junk good. When he’s brought to Gu Wei, he’s in so much pain that he can’t stand up straight and his forehead is covered in cold sweat, but when he opens his eyes, he still manages to tell the masked Gu Wei, “Doc, you’re so pretty.”

Chen Yu meets Cai Ding by helping Cai Ding get back his stolen wallet. Cai Ding follows behind him, watching the man sprint toward the guy who stole his wallet and send him to the ground with a kick, restraining him easily. Out of breath, Cai Ding runs over and asks Chen Yu, “Are you a cop? You’re amazing!”

Chen Yu and Gu Wei start their next relationship at practically the same time. They’re lucky, both meeting someone who deserves to love and also loves them. But how much have they forgotten or put down? Perhaps even they don’t really know.

Once, Gu Wei gets a notification in the group chat that the police force is sending two wounded officers over in a bit. They’re seriously wounded and the ambulance has already gone over to pick them up. They need treatment ASAP.

Just like before, Gu Wei—clad in his white coat—races down the eight flights of stairs and stands nervously at the entrance, waiting for the ambulance. But it’s not Chen Yu. Thank god it’s not Chen Yu.

When Ji Xiangkong comes to pick him up, Gu Wei has him stay in the office.

Cai Ding moves in with Chen Yu. The officer is very busy and often can’t take care of himself.

One day, Cai Ding washes Chen Yu’s police uniform. He’s detail-oriented and checked the four pockets on the outside before washing. He digs out a few bills and a receipt—it’s from Chen Yu’s gift for him.

He missed the inner pocket though. There’s a wrinkly ball of paper inside.

Chen Yu places the ball of paper into a drawer with his graduation picture, the badges from before, and his certificate from when he passed the intern period. Those are all things that have been left in the past.

He doesn’t say anything, but at night, he climbs out of bed and smokes for a long time on the balcony.

_We’re clearly walking forward, but somehow, we just keep going in circles._

Four years after they broke up, Chen Yu is 24 and Gu Wei is 30.

Cai Ding gets a gastric ulcer and suddenly faints during class. He gets taken to Huaqing Hospital where Gu Wei is.

Gu Wei doesn’t know who Cai Ding is. He’s a bit busy today and switched out his night shift—he has to attend Ji Xiangkong’s retirement ceremony. He gives Cai Ding a quick checkup, hooks up the IV, and is about to return to his office to change clothes when Chen Yu rushes in.

Even though Chen Yu feels like an asshole, he can’t deny that the first person he sees is Gu Wei. Even when he was rushing over, he also hoped a little bit. It’s the gastroenterology department of Huaqing Hospital. Would he see Gu Wei?

Chen Yu is a very good boyfriend. He knows that Cai Ding would be worried, so he no longer puts all the responsibilities onto his own shoulders like a few years ago, nor does he run to the police force whenever he’s on break and volunteers to work overtime. Whenever Cai Ding tells him to stay safe, he replies, “Okay.”

When Chen Yu hears that Cai Ding was sick, he took leave without hesitation. But when Cai Ding’s classmates tell him that he was taken to Huaqing Hospital, he freezes for a few seconds. He stares at the words in the text and his mind goes blank.

Gu Wei has become thinner and even more attractive, but the picture on his nameplate is the same. It’s still that one. Chen Yu touches his inner pocket—his picture isn’t there anymore.

Cai Ding leans weakly in bed, his eyes watery. The way he looks at Chen Yu makes Gu Wei suddenly wonder whether he or Chen Yu is the doctor. It dawns on him; he understands their relationship instantly.

Back then, Gu Wei would hide his health problems as much as possible, never willing to tell Chen Yu. He was six years older. It didn’t sound right to make a kid worry. He checks Cai Ding’s profile. _20 years old._ It’s an age where people are good at—and should be—showing their weak side. Gu Wei blinks and exhales softly.

He nods at Chen Yu. “Officer Chen, long time no see.”

Chen Yu awkwardly picks at the corner of his shirt. “Dr. Gu, long time no see.”

Gu Wei gives Chen Yu some simple instructions. Cai Ding has been strong the entire time, but after seeing Chen Yu, his eyes redden. He waits for Gu Wei to finish his job and for Chen Yu to listen seriously before he pitifully calls out Chen Yu’s name. He’s seriously in pain. Chen Yu’s heart twinges. He strides over to the bed.

Gu Wei doesn’t speak further and leaves quietly. The windows in the hall are open and the breeze blows his hair and the bottom of his coat.

It’s almost the time he agreed on with Ji Xiangkong, so he picks up his pace, but someone calls him from behind.

“Dr. Gu.”

Chen Yu calls him like that.

Gu Wei halts but doesn’t turn.

“Gu Wei.”

Chen Yu says his name once again.

Smiling with his head lowered, Gu Wei turns around to look at him. Chen Yu’s eyes are red; Gu Wei’s aren’t.

Chen Yu had run out of the room but stopped a few steps away from Gu Wei. The floor of Huaqing Hospital is made up of one-meter-long tiles. Gu Wei counts them. Chen Yu is standing at the front of the first tile. He’s standing at the end of the fourth one.

They look at each other like this, quietly. No one speaks.

In the end, it’s Gu Wei who speaks, breaking the long silence.

“Xiao-Yu, you’ve grown up.”

Chen Yu nods firmly. As his head bobs, tears fall down like beads, rolling out one by one. He can’t hold them back no matter what.

Looking at him, Gu Wei sighs and shakes his head helplessly. He forces back down the things that have surged up.

Chen Yu doesn’t know what he should say—what’s proper to say. He can only wipe his eyes after breaking down.

He can’t walk forward any further; he doesn’t want to return to the room either.

Gu Wei looks at him for a long time and the phone in his pocket is already ringing. Chen Yu seems to have gotten even taller and his features are more handsome. Compared to four years ago, there’s more sharpness.

He turns off his phone and looks up at Chen Yu.

“Xiao-Yu, but we can’t go back.”

With that, he leaves, not turning back, running to the elevator. Chen Yu, frozen in place, watches as his backside goes into the distance.

But Gu Wei doesn’t take the elevator. He presses the down arrow, but he goes to the stairs. He walks down the eight flights—walking slowly.

**Author's Note:**

> i teared up when reading so i had to translate lol


End file.
